Have you known it all along? Have you tried to hide it from other people, but inside you KNOW you are a still a people pleaser (even at this age)?
Do you recognize yourself in these common signs of people pleasing?
- Spend your time doing favors for other people instead of getting your own work done
- Worry about how your comments in meetings will be judged, so you second guess what they want to hear, give measured responses, or freeze up
- Give compliments and hope for one in return
- Say ‘yes’ when you’d like to say ‘no’ to others, or go along with what they want instead of speaking up about what YOU want
- Buy others’ affection, give too much, or feel responsible for their life
If so, no worries, many of us have been there.
Why do you do these behaviors? It is a confidence issue. People pleasing is a three part strategy:
1) You to try to make others view you positively, in the hope that
2) They will treat you favorably (validate you, approve of you, appreciate you, compliment you, reassure you, love you, do business with you, promote you), so that
3) You can be confident in yourself because you experience yourself as competent, loveable, worthy, special, etc.
What is the fastest way to stop people pleasing?
The only way to stop people pleasing is to become confident in yourself.
Because you are concerned you are not enough, you try to keep propping yourself up with other people’s input. You must stop seeing other people as the final say in whether you are ‘enough’ or not. Other people view you through their own lenses. If they are proud of themselves they will see your strengths and appreciate your efforts. If they are not confident in themselves they will criticize you. Other people’s comments towards you say more about them then they do about you. If you have been programmed by repeated messages from people important to you in childhood, then you have to separate what was “their stuff” from “your stuff”, and start to “wear your own mind”.
People pleasing helps you get positive feedback in the moment, but it never adds up to lasting confidence. The more you do it, the longer you put off building your capacity to be confident without anyone else’s approval. The more you do it, the less confident you feel.
I am on a mission to free you of people pleasing so that you can get rid of the stress that comes from being dependent on others’ approval and have the success you are capable of. My 7-steps to Confidence at the Core has been effective in helping hundreds of people believe in themselves and experience the freedom of being their own person.
Once you have Confidence at the Core, you won’t take things personally anymore. You will be able to have your own positive opinion of yourself, no matter how anyone else responds to your ideas. You will have the Confidence to Make Much More Money, finally Start Your Business, or Get Noticed for Promotion by Your Boss.
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